February Nineteenth two thousand fifteen
Recon: Brandon Phillips
In the first of many in our ongoing series “recon”, CMYK will profile an agent that works with us – give them a chance to sound off about what they love (and slightly dislike) about the world of CMYK.
To inaugurate the series, Brandon Phillips starts off in the hot seat. An employee of over 2 years at CMYK, he’s been through (and caused) a lot of changes here. Lets just hope he’s done heckling the neighbors with Laser Pointers.
State your name, place of origin, and favorite whole foods hot bar item.
Brandon Phillips of the great state of North Carolina. My favorite hot bar item? Why, collards and fried chicken, of course (But really anything that has more flavor than their soups and doesn’t have rocks in it).
In order to verify you aren’t a computer, please answer the following Turing test questions:
What do you think of nuclear weapons?
They’re a blast.
Do you like dancing?
Never tried it.
What do you think of Roald Dahl?
I don’t know him, but judging by his books I’d say he’s probably a delusional sociopath but a nice guy nonetheless.
Are you a computer?
Sorry, I didn’t get that.
What do you do at CMYK?
You mean the Brandon Phillips Media Company?
In order of perceived importance:
Mediate between mom and dad
Spellcheck and copyediting
Copywriting (specifically placeholder text)
Change the water cooler bottle
What do you not do at CMYK?
Improve my feelings of self-worth.
Of all the items in the portfolio you worked on, which one did you fight with Chris on the most? Why?
Phone Tag! Chris was a loose cannon while unsuccessfully attempting to lower his alcohol intake, but let’s be honest. It was a loosing battle. Losser.
What project are you making this year for Summer Fridays, (if you still work at CMYK then)?
If I still work here… hmm… Good point. Last April was a little shaky so I think I’ll wait until May to start thinking about this. Most likely though, it’ll be about time to give in to the whiney Android users and build whichever apps of ours that are still relevant in ‘Marzipan’ or whatever it is you guys use at the time.
Favorite party CMYK has had?
My birthday, obviously.
What was the best day of work you had at the office?
Thursday, January 23rd. I mean really? When was your best bowl of cereal? They’re all just so good, I could never choose just one.
Write a haiku.
Questionnaires are hard.
Haikus are even harder…
Yeah, I got nothing.
Write a recipe.
Formula 86 delayed action mouse-maker
45 brown mice
1 alarm clock
1 gruntle egg
1 crabcruncher claw
1 blabbersnitch beak
1 grobblesqvirt snout
1 catspringer tongue
Take the wrong end of the telescope and boil it until it gets soft. This usually takes 24 hours.
While telescope boils, take 45 brown mice and chop off their tails with a carving knife. Fry the tails in hair-oil until they are crisp.
Simmer the tails in frog-juice for 1 hour.
Set the alarm clock for 9 o’clock (which is the hour the delayed-action-mouse-maker will begin to work). Roast in the oven until it’s crisp and tender.
Next, take the boiled telescope and fried mouse-tails and cooked mice and roasted alarm-clock and put them in the mixer. Mix at full-speed. You should end up with a nice thick paste.
While the mixer runs, add in the yoke of a gruntle’s egg. Then add claw of the crabcruncher, beak of the blabbersnitch, snout of the grobblesqvirt, and tongue of the catspringer. Mix well. It should resemble a green liquid.
Favorite single minute of the day. no explanation needed.
Favorite letter. Three word explanation
X Marks the spot.
If you could have only one BAD word on the dry erase board for the day, what would it be? No explanation.